4-30-2024 4:38pm

If You Don't Like Your Past, Rewrite It Using Metacognition

Christine Larkin Editor

SKYLARK'S ARTICLE OF THE WEEK - IF YOU DON'T LIKE YOUR PAST, REWRITE IT USING METACOGNITION

In the book, The Art and Science of Getting Happier: Build the Life You Want, written by Arthur C. Brooks and Oprah Winfrey, the author's talk about managing bad feelings and deciding how to react when dealing with bad circumstances. We've all been there. We've all overreacted to a particular situation and regretted it later. But what about bad memories?

You probably think you can't change bad memories, but actually you can. Metacognition gives us the power. Metacognition is an awareness of one's thought processes and an understanding of the patterns behind them. The term comes from the root word meta, meaning "beyond", or "on top of". Metacognition can take many forms, such as reflecting on one's ways of thinking and knowing when and how to use particular strategies for problem-solving.

There are generally two components of metacognition: (1) knowledge about cognition and (2) regulation of cognition. Research has shown that both components of metacognition play key roles in learning. A metacognitive model differs from other scientific models in that the creator of the model is by definition also enclosed within it. Scientific models are often prone to distancing the observer from the object or field of study whereas a metacognitive model in general tries to include the observer in the model.

Here's an example of metacognition. "At home I dream that at Naples, I can be intoxicated with beauty, and lose my sadness," the American philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote in his essay "Self-Reliance" in 1841. "I pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea, and at last wake in Naples." I'm assuming he means Naples, Italy. Che Bello. Then he continues: "And there beside me is the stern fact, the sad self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from." You can't escape your past, because it travels with you into the future inside your head. Your memories are the first thing you unpack in Naples, or wherever you choose to escape to.

You can't alter history. You can, however, change your perception of it. The next best thing to a time machine is rewriting the story of your memories using metacognition, making the baggage of your past a little lighter on your shoulders as you travel through the present and into your future. We are time travelers by nature; in fact, scientists have found that we may retain memories of the past precisely so that we can envision and predict the future. I found this part of the book so fascinating. Imagine a beach in Italy, or wherever you want to visit, that you've never been to before. The picture in your head might look suspiciously like, let's say, that beach in Florida, for example, from last year. This feat explains why we are so successful as a species: past events give us a crystal ball, which we can use to decide what to do and what to avoid doing.

Modern neuroscience shows that memory is more about reconstruction than retrieval. Each time we conjure up the past, several parts of the brain (including the angular gyrus and the hippocampus) piece together various bits of stored information to assemble a memory. This process is a biological marvel but prone to change with time, as researchers have shown in various ways over the past few decades. That's why sometimes when a victim of a crime comes forward years later, the memory of it can be skewed. Hence, a statute of limitations.

Memories change because we construct stories of past events from fragments of memories in accordance with our current self-narratives. Your shifting memories aren't necessarily inaccurate; rather, they are assembled from partial sets of details, and the exact details you remember change each time you dust a memory off. For example, you and a sibling might simply remember different aspects of that Thanksgiving dinner that reinforce your different current circumstances: one says the day was ruined by Aunt Mary, and you say it was just a minor disagreement at the table. This affected each of you very differently. Perhaps one of you is no longer talking to Aunt Mary, and the other has a great relationship with her. We can have a very different experience and memories of events.

The next time you think about something from your past that deeply saddens you, take a good look at it. Maybe it wasn't as bad as you imagined it to be. The fact that your current conditions and feeling influence how you reconstruct memories gives you a lot of power to change your understanding of the past. If you consciously reconstruct the past more positively, it can help you make decisions about the future - to make useful alterations but avoid changing your present arbitrarily in hopes of a better life.

The next time you want to make a positive change in your life, don't limit your imagination to a change of scenery or the people around you. Start with the backdrop of your life, the very thing that is probably making you restless in the first place.

These are some excerpts from this fantastic book. Our emotions and our memories play significant roles in our happiness. We can change how they affect us with metacognition. Life is so incredibly beautiful. Embrace the moment. Look around and look up when you're feeling down.

Peace and Love,

Skylark

At 60 and Beyond, we're never too old to learn how to be happier through a built-in tool like metacognition.

SKYLARK'S PICK OF THE WEEK - YOUR FRONT STOOP

We've had some beautiful weather this week. Things really warmed up on Monday. For some, it was too hot. Not for me. I love the heat. After work, I took my coffee and sat on my stoop. This is one of my favorite things to do. The birds were chirping, and the sun was warm. I've written about my stoop before. Since childhood, it's one of my favorite places to be.

My sister, Jen, and I sitting on my stoop together a few years ago. This memory is crystal clear.

SKYLARK'S PRAYER OF THE WEEK

Dear God,

Guide us into aging staying healthy and happy as our good memories linger in our minds. Amen.

SKYLARK'S INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE OF THE WEEK

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SKYLARK'S QUESTION OF THE WEEK

What is one of your favorite memories?

Please put your answer in the Reply bubble next to the heart below. I'd love to hear from you.

SKYLARK'S SONG OF THE WEEK - THE WAY WE WERE by BARBRA STREISAND

Lyrics

Memories
Light the corners of my mind
Misty watercolor memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were
Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time re-written every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we?
Could we?
Memories
May be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply to choose to forget
So it's the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were
The way we were

Songwriters: Marvin Hamlisch, Marilyn Bergman, Alan Bergman.

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ABOUT MY BRAND, SKYLARK LIVE

My brand, Skylark Live, was born out of my turning 60 and noticing a profound shift in this age. I wanted to talk about it and share what I was experiencing with the hope of helping other women as well. My brand consists of a weekly newsletter and a monthly vlog designed to motivate and inspire women over 60 to thrive in older age through knowledge and self-awareness. I’m in the process of formulating in-person presentations called The Skylark Sessions. These can be conducted in someone’s home, local library, or senior center.

Weekly Newsletter - My weekly newsletter, Skylark Live Town News, features articles about human interest, nature, general observations, inspiration, motivation, music, places I've been to, and ideas I want to explore. I represent Bay Shore and towns beyond. There is also a calendar of events. I throw in Italian words, too, because I love the language and all things Italian. Bella Italia! As a paying subscriber, you will receive my newsletter each Wednesday morning in your email. That gives you a head's up. You can also advertise your business or event on my newsletter. Just click this link to subscribe: For updates, subscribe to our free newsletter!

Monthly Vlog - My first Monday-of-the month vlog, 60 and Beyond with Skylark, is a recap of what I've written about in my newsletters throughout the previous month. Then, I introduce a unique topic for the current month's vlog. My vlog is recorded and posted on my YouTube channel as well as on my Patreon account and my social media sites. Just click my YouTube channel link below to subscribe: (736) Skylark Live - YouTube

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Thank you for your love and support. Adiamo! Let's Go!