10-24-2023 10:04am

Self-Awareness

Christine Larkin Editor

SKYLARK'S ARTICLE OF THE WEEK - SELF-AWARENESS

Are you aware of your successes? Do you find yourself saying, "Oh, it was just luck." Luck may play a roll in success, but being self-aware of your effort, your knowledge, and your commitment to making your life a success was not just dumb luck. You made it happen through self-awareness. Focus on achievement, not luck.

Self-awareness is your ability to perceive and understand the things that make you who you are as an individual, including your personality, actions, values, beliefs, emotions, and thoughts. Essentially, it is a psychological state in which the self becomes the focus of attention. Once you are able to embrace this, you can make things happen. People who are not self-aware are afraid to be vulnerable. They are worried that they will be judged or rejected by others, which causes them to remain unaware of their feelings, thoughts, motives, and behaviors. Being self-aware can change your life for the better. The work it requires is worth it.

Self-awareness is the knowledge of self in three basic areas: cognitive, physical, and emotional. It is the ability to recognize your own feelings, behaviors, and characteristics. Being self-aware can help you take better care of yourself, have deeper relationships, and live a more fulfilling life.

Self-awareness takes work. It's not just something we are born with. We have to work at it, and there are many ways to do this. As you know, I'm an advocate of self-examination, and sometimes that includes speaking to a professional. I particularly think talk-therapy with a psychologist is very effective. A psychologist is educated in how the mind works and what diseases can affect it. Over time, talk-therapy can help you get to the root of things whether it be a difficult passage in your life to a more acute illness like anxiety and depression.

Types of Self-Awareness

There are two distinct kinds of self-awareness, public and private.

Public self-awareness: Being aware of how we can appear to others. Because of this consciousness, we are more likely to adhere to social norms and behave in ways that are socially acceptable.

While there are benefits to this type of awareness, there is also the danger of tipping into self-consciousness. Those who are especially high in this trait may spend too much time worrying about what others think of them.

Private self-awareness: Being able to notice and reflect on one’s internal state. Those who have private self-awareness are introspective, approaching their feelings and reactions with curiosity.

For example, you may notice yourself tensing up as you are preparing for an important meeting. Noticing the physical sensations and correctly attributing them to your anxiety about the meeting would be an example of private self-awareness.

When self-awareness tips into self-consciousness, we are reluctant to share certain aspects of ourselves. We develop a persona that lacks authenticity.

The Importance of Self-Awareness

When we look inward, we can clarify our values, thoughts, feelings, behaviors, strengths, and weaknesses. We are able to recognize the effect that we have on others. People with self-awareness are happier and have better relationships. They also experience a sense of personal and social control as well as higher job satisfaction.

When we look outward, we understand how people view us. People who are aware of how people see them are more likely to be empathetic to people with different perspectives. Leaders whose self-perception matches others' perceptions are more likely to empower, include, and recognize others.

The Benefits of Self-Awareness

As we mentioned earlier, strengthening self-awareness has a variety of benefits. The specifics of each one depends on the individual.

Here are some examples of common benefits of self-awareness:

It gives us the power to influence outcomes
It helps us to become better decision-makers It gives us more self-confidence — so, as a result, we communicate with clarity and intention
It allows us to understand things from multiple perspectives
It frees us from our assumptions and biases
It helps us build better relationships
It gives us a greater ability to regulate our emotions
It decreases stress
It makes us happier

Strengthen Your Brain to Become More Self-Aware

The amygdala, also called the primitive brain, was the first part of the brain to develop in humans. It functioned as a kind of radar signaling the need to run away or fight back. That part of the brain is skilled at anticipating danger and reacts before we can even name a negative emotion. Our heart races, our stomach tightens, and our neck muscles tense up.

Your body's reaction is a trip wire signaling the pre-frontal cortex to register or name a negative emotion. If you bring awareness to your physical state, you can, at the moment, recognize the emotion as it is happening. Becoming skillful at this rewires your brain.

Naming your feelings is critical in decision-making. When we let our feelings overwhelm us, we can make bad decisions with unintended consequences. Naming your emotions allows us to take a "third-person" perspective to stand back and more objectively evaluate what's going on.

Let's bring this home with an example. You, a self-aware person, are having a conversation with someone and receiving some negative feedback. Your heart starts to race, and you're feeling threatened. You say to yourself, "I feel like this person is attacking me." But, before you cry or go ballistic, you stop yourself and hear the person out. You discover that this person had at least one good point and start up a different conversation, one that is mutually satisfying and productive. It would be great if we could all naturally do this, but it takes restraint and self-awareness.

I remember a particular situation at work where a woman who was new to our office took charge on her first day. She walked in with an attitude that she was the boss and began to demean the other workers. I was her primary target. When I confronted her and told her that she made me uncomfortable, she reacted in a very derogatory way. I immediately lashed out. My response was completely inappropriate, and I was mortified by my behavior, but I did not apologize. Rather, I called my doctor who recommended a local therapist. We began to talk about my response, not what happened to me. It was the response that needed work, and I was self-aware enough that I knew I wanted to make good on this. It worked.

We are our own advocates, and when things happen to us, we must be self-aware enough to work it through for the best outcome for all involved. We must not be victims. We must be victorious.

Peace and Love,

Skylark

At 60 and beyond, being self-aware will help us to mature like fine wine and remain centered in our lives for more overall happiness and well-being.

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SKYLARK'S PICK OF THE WEEK - PLANTING FIELD'S ARBORETUM

Planting Fields is a dynamic and vibrant site that features numerous historic structures, Olmsted Brothers-designed landscapes, and world class art and horticultural collections. As a former Gold Coast estate, it is preserved today as a celebration of art, architecture, landscape, and the people that resided on its land. Located in Oyster Bay, New York, the name “Planting Fields” referenced the fertility of the land and its rich agricultural value originally for the Matinecock People and later for Dutch and English colonists.

Today Planting Fields welcomes over 200,000 visitors to the site every year and hosts numerous iconic cultural events such as the annual Camellia Festival in February, Arbor Day celebration in April, Home for the Holidays in December, Spring and Fall 5k races, and various lectures, symposia, exhibitions, concerts, performances, and family events. They welcome thousands of school-aged children throughout the year who engage with Planting Fields to learn about the sciences and humanities through varied offerings that are uniquely reflected at the site. Established in 1952, Planting Fields Foundation works in partnership with New York State Office of Parks, Recreation, and Historic Preservation to steward Planting Fields.

The park is open every day from 9:00am to 5:00pm (closed December 25). Parking fees are payable through self-serve pay stations in the parking lot. Pay stations accept credit or debit cards as well as cash in the exact amount.

For more information, visit www.plantingfields.org

Support your local news!

SKYLARK'S INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Support your local news!

SKYLARK'S SONG OF THE WEEK - THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL by GEORGE BENSON

LYRICS

I believe the children are our future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier
Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be

Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
And so I learned to depend on me

I decided long ago
Never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity

Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all

I decided long ago
Never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity

Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me

The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
Is the greatest love of all

And if, by chance, that special place
That you've been dreaming of
Leads you to a lonely place
Find your strength in love

SKYLARK'S QUESTION OF THE WEEK

What are you aware of about yourself that has contributed to your personal success and happiness?

Please put your answer in the Reply section below. I'd love to hear from you. Thank you.

ABOUT SKYLARK LIVE AND HOW TO FOLLOW ME

My brand, Skylark Live, consists of a weekly newsletter, Skylark Live Town News, a monthly vlog, 60 and Beyond with Skylark, and monthly in-person chats called The Skylark Sessions. They are all designed to inspire and motivate women to thrive in older age through knowledge and self-awareness at 60 and beyond. Andiamo! Let's go!

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The Skylark Sessions (a work in progress): The Skylark Sessions are in-person chats in a round-table format. There is a new topic for each session. I moderate, but this is an open conversation. I will post the date, time, topic, and location on my social media sites as well as on my Patreon account. There is a $5 cash donation per session. You can RSVP at christineskylark@aol.com.

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Thank you for your love and support. Apprezza la giornata. Cherish the day.